How does one get their blog read? I dont particularly wanna inform friends about it, so whats the best way to spread the word about your blog?
X
Monday, 27 October 2008
Waiting
I hate waiting for anything.
He still hasn't text me!!!!!!! And I don't think he ever will. I know he won't and I'm attempting to write some shitty essay thats due in for tommorrow but I just can't get my thoughts out of my head. No way is he going to speak to me ever again right?
Any men reading this, and I know that there's very little! Ha. What would you do if a girl you liked did this to you? Shall I send him a photo of the real me? Or just leave it? Helpppppppp me.
I feel like I've got a broken heart and it doesn't help that Ive dug myself this pit Im in at the moment. Can't everything be okay again? Please! Don't you just wish sometimes you could fast forward to a month and see how life is then and if its okay, just stay there. How can I GET OVER HIM???????????and do i want to?
X
He still hasn't text me!!!!!!! And I don't think he ever will. I know he won't and I'm attempting to write some shitty essay thats due in for tommorrow but I just can't get my thoughts out of my head. No way is he going to speak to me ever again right?
Any men reading this, and I know that there's very little! Ha. What would you do if a girl you liked did this to you? Shall I send him a photo of the real me? Or just leave it? Helpppppppp me.
I feel like I've got a broken heart and it doesn't help that Ive dug myself this pit Im in at the moment. Can't everything be okay again? Please! Don't you just wish sometimes you could fast forward to a month and see how life is then and if its okay, just stay there. How can I GET OVER HIM???????????and do i want to?
X
Sunday, 26 October 2008
I DID IT
OK
So i realise Im essentially writing to myself, but I told him.
And am waiting for the reply
That won't come.
Ever.
Shit
Why have I just ruined his image of me forever? Should I have left him that?
Shit. Shit. Shit.
No. Mother always say honesty is the best policy.
And love will conquer all. So lets just hope and pray that he will fancy the real me. Please.
X
So i realise Im essentially writing to myself, but I told him.
And am waiting for the reply
That won't come.
Ever.
Shit
Why have I just ruined his image of me forever? Should I have left him that?
Shit. Shit. Shit.
No. Mother always say honesty is the best policy.
And love will conquer all. So lets just hope and pray that he will fancy the real me. Please.
X
The thing is ...
This is so unlike me. Before my Mr, I was in love or so I thought with a boyfriend for 3 years. We were as serious as two kids can be. First proper love and all that crap. Why can't I stop thinking about my special someone? Answers on a postcard people. I want him. I need him. Oh baby. Oh baby.
Even just a text right now would do?
Seeing as he has literally gone MIA on me. I want Ben. How can I get out of this? He told me, he's going to go and find someone who makes him happy. He thought that might have been me but I make promises I cant keep. Shall I just tell him the truth?
X
Even just a text right now would do?
Seeing as he has literally gone MIA on me. I want Ben. How can I get out of this? He told me, he's going to go and find someone who makes him happy. He thought that might have been me but I make promises I cant keep. Shall I just tell him the truth?
X
Where to begin ....
I suppose I should start with my story. I am a "normal" 20 year old student, studying at an undisclosed University, reading English and missing someone. You may wonder why I bring that other fact in so suddenly, well I suppose its because this certain someone is always on my mind. The significance of this recent love?
I never met him.
It all began about 7 months ago, an innocent encounter, well perhaps not so innocent as we were both with other people, over a mobile internet chat room. Two false names. No other reason to talk except horniess/boredom. The usual sexual pleasantries. Phone numbers exchanged we carried on casually texting, and somehow it escalated into this. A broken heart. One may wonder why I'm choosing to bore people with this story, or even why you are reading it? Because I have nobody else to talk to about this. How do you even begin to explain a tangled web like this, without the risk of looking like a complete saddo and the expected disbelief? You can't. So for all this time its been hidden.
Now dont get me wrong, if one of my friends were to tell me that they had gotten themselves in this predicament i probably would have jested, yelled GET OVER IT over and over in my head while they were lamenting their lost love, so how the hell am i here? and why????
He was in a loveless (on his part) relationship with a 26 year old woman, living with her, and he was exactly my type of guy. Despite not being classically beautiful or handsome, he so was. I've never wanted to kiss someone more in my life. Stubborn by nature, oh my god so stubborn, but still no matter how many phone calls he ignored (he hated talking on the phone) or texts he chose to abruptly reply to, while i was whispering sweet nothings to him, i still long.
You probably are thinking right now what a sap, what a mug, what a whining fool, why doesnt she just meet up with him? As well as thinking, Jesus, she said she was an English student, she doesnt write like one. Where are her apostrophe's? Ha.
Well the thing is. I can't meet him. Ever. Why?
Because I sent him a picture in the first instance of someone that wasn't me. Why I did this I have no fucking idea?!?! But I suppose I didnt want a stranger to have my photo. But I had no idea the stranger would turn out to be the person I want to be with more than any other person. in the whole world. Amen. Argggggh!!!!!!!! I don't even know why? I'm good looking, and I say that with just a hint of vanity.
I understand this man, and he understands me. He's told me he's leaving to live in Canada if I didn't pull through for him this time when we were supposed to meet him. Oh, didnt I tell you that? I've arranged and let him down to meet up many many times, backing out at the last minute, until the last time, when I pretended to be somebody else my friend (don't ask) that he's told me, and I quote my gorgeous Mr who was always telling me I would change my mind when I met him, " never ever text me," and answering the phone to me in a tone I knew what was coming, "What? What a liar. What a liar."
So what do I do?
If only my blog ended with "Reader, I married him."
Why did I lie to him?Can you really feel like this for someone you've never met?I feel like a desperate woman but this man turns me on, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel special, he loves me. For God's sakes Ive masturbated thinking about him. A lot. Ewww, is that too much information?!
He was going to change his life for me. But I just let him down. Badly this time. When I was pretending to be my friend, trying to put him off going to the hotel I'd told him I'd booked, he said in no uncertain terms how much he loved me. And this is not a man that is at ease with words.
Guys, help. Why am I such a big loser? A really big fucking loser with a cherry on top?
Nothin' but love!
X
I never met him.
It all began about 7 months ago, an innocent encounter, well perhaps not so innocent as we were both with other people, over a mobile internet chat room. Two false names. No other reason to talk except horniess/boredom. The usual sexual pleasantries. Phone numbers exchanged we carried on casually texting, and somehow it escalated into this. A broken heart. One may wonder why I'm choosing to bore people with this story, or even why you are reading it? Because I have nobody else to talk to about this. How do you even begin to explain a tangled web like this, without the risk of looking like a complete saddo and the expected disbelief? You can't. So for all this time its been hidden.
Now dont get me wrong, if one of my friends were to tell me that they had gotten themselves in this predicament i probably would have jested, yelled GET OVER IT over and over in my head while they were lamenting their lost love, so how the hell am i here? and why????
He was in a loveless (on his part) relationship with a 26 year old woman, living with her, and he was exactly my type of guy. Despite not being classically beautiful or handsome, he so was. I've never wanted to kiss someone more in my life. Stubborn by nature, oh my god so stubborn, but still no matter how many phone calls he ignored (he hated talking on the phone) or texts he chose to abruptly reply to, while i was whispering sweet nothings to him, i still long.
You probably are thinking right now what a sap, what a mug, what a whining fool, why doesnt she just meet up with him? As well as thinking, Jesus, she said she was an English student, she doesnt write like one. Where are her apostrophe's? Ha.
Well the thing is. I can't meet him. Ever. Why?
Because I sent him a picture in the first instance of someone that wasn't me. Why I did this I have no fucking idea?!?! But I suppose I didnt want a stranger to have my photo. But I had no idea the stranger would turn out to be the person I want to be with more than any other person. in the whole world. Amen. Argggggh!!!!!!!! I don't even know why? I'm good looking, and I say that with just a hint of vanity.
I understand this man, and he understands me. He's told me he's leaving to live in Canada if I didn't pull through for him this time when we were supposed to meet him. Oh, didnt I tell you that? I've arranged and let him down to meet up many many times, backing out at the last minute, until the last time, when I pretended to be somebody else my friend (don't ask) that he's told me, and I quote my gorgeous Mr who was always telling me I would change my mind when I met him, " never ever text me," and answering the phone to me in a tone I knew what was coming, "What? What a liar. What a liar."
So what do I do?
If only my blog ended with "Reader, I married him."
Why did I lie to him?Can you really feel like this for someone you've never met?I feel like a desperate woman but this man turns me on, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel special, he loves me. For God's sakes Ive masturbated thinking about him. A lot. Ewww, is that too much information?!
He was going to change his life for me. But I just let him down. Badly this time. When I was pretending to be my friend, trying to put him off going to the hotel I'd told him I'd booked, he said in no uncertain terms how much he loved me. And this is not a man that is at ease with words.
Guys, help. Why am I such a big loser? A really big fucking loser with a cherry on top?
Nothin' but love!
X
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